Your Fart Smells Quite Comteporary...

I’M BACK! Sorry it’s taken so long to post something, the internet is crazy expensive so I don’t go on much. But I’m alive and kickin’!

The past few days were quite eventful. We found an adorable little apartment in St. Kilda and moved in on Monday! It is by no means luxurious; in fact, you could probably categorize it under “piece of crap,” but the location more than makes up for it. It’s situated right across the street from the beach, and next to the main entertainment strip in Melbourne, where all the restaurants and pubs are. Here’s hoping we find jobs in one of them! Our roommates are a couple from Sweden, and, for an indefinite amount of time, an Australian guy living on the sofa of the living room. So it’s a pretty full house.

On Saturday, the former tenants of the apartment threw a going away party, so we decided to stop by. We met a lot of cool people from all over the place, including our first Americans! It’s surprising how few there are here. After a few hours, Corrie randomly returned to me completely out of breath, and informed me that she had just spent the last few minutes on the trampoline in the courtyard of our apartment. For some reason, this prompted us to leave, and we bid our new place adieu. But we made sure to stop at a delicious kebab shop on the way back to our hostel. We were spotted by a patron of the party sitting on a curb scarfing down kebabs and french fries, and let me tell you, were we happy!

On Sunday, we decided to be cultured folk, visiting the Australian Center for Contemporary Art and the National Gallery of Victoria. The ACCA was… weird. I’ve never really understood contemporary art. I just don’t get how a block of wood painted black is art. The ACCA basically just had enlarged copies of emails posted on walls about the torture practices of US Soldiers abroad. It was interesting, but come on, how is that art!? It was like we were reading the script for 20/20, not perusing through an art gallery. Am I just missing something? The NGV was much better. They had actual paintings, prints, photography, etc. Something I actually understand and enjoyed looking at. They did have a contemporary art section; we zoomed through it just to hate on it. Upon entering the contemporary art section, I randomly blurted out “Contemporary fart,” and we began to burst out laughing (because farts are hilarious). This caused the security guard to follow us around the rest of the time we were in there. She awkwardly asked Corrie what her tattoo was of, and after Corrie answered, she walked away without giving any type of reaction. An oddball she was. But enough about awkward guards, we decided we’re going to draw a few lines on a piece of paper and have it displayed at the gallery. If blue box can be art, then why can’t our magnificent drawing be?

Monday was the HOTTEST day I have ever experienced. And that says a lot, considering I’ve spent summers in India. Those Indian summers have nothing on the heat we experienced here. It went up to 43 degrees Celsius, with an overnight temperature of 39 degrees, the hottest it has been in Melbourne in over 100 years. We set a record! But Good Lord, it was unbearable. It was like we were walking around in someone’s mouth. Needless to say, I now know what Hell feels like. Remind me to stop talking trash about everyone I see from now on.

Last night we went out in St. Kilda and found a great little hole in the wall bar that had live reggae. The night, of course, ended with kebabs and french fries. If I come home looking like I did in Prague, it’s all Sunshine Kebab’s fault!

OH YEAH! And we saw the most hilarious scene last night. We were sitting outside at a bar, when a motorcycle gang rode up and stopped at the light in front of us. But something was off. This poor Domino’s delivery boy was caught amidst the group of bikers. As they revved their Harley’s, the Domino’s boy put his head down in shame as the bar patrons laughed at him. The light finally turned green, and as the bikers sped off, the Domino’s boy scooted away on his little moped. Hilarity at it’s finest.

Besides that, We’ve basically just been bums since we got here. We really should find a job soon, but unemployment is just so fun. I don’t care what other people say, I think it’s great. How can you not love complete and total freedom? Once I start looking, I’m planning on working the Indian charm and trying to get a job at an Indian restaurant. If that doesn’t work out I may just turn trick, we’ll see!

Updates:

My dad is here! He arrived this morning. So, naturally, we’ll be having dinner at the Hard Rock Café tonight. We also finally got our Big Day Out tickets! 11 days to go! And Corrie has a day date tomorrow… oh my!

Quote of the day: “It’s not easy being a Madam these days.”- Corrie, in response to the very rough looking cross dresser we passed on the street.

Quote of the day #2: “HE’S EATING FLESH!!!!!!!!!”-Dan, our roommate, in response to the opening credits of “Dexter,” which is our newest TV addiction. This quote won’t make sense if you don’t watch the show.

Snapshots of my life...

Storm swallowing Sydney. View from the Botanical Gardens.

      Chinese Gardens.

Blue Mountains.

Bondi Beach.

                  Hyde Park.

Who is this man???

We noticed a group of young Asian men snapping pictures with this guy (the one between me and Corrie), so I figured it was safe to assume he was some type of celebrity and now actually with the Asian boys. When I asked who he was, his manager was quick to assure him that I, indeed, knew who he was and was just pretending like I didn't. But I honestly have no idea who he is. And he wouldn't tell me! Apparently some boxer. Enlighten me, friends. 

Bad Boy 24/7

We made it to Melbourne! After a 12 hour overnight train ride and many obscure dreams, we have arrived. Incase you're wondering about my obscure dreams, let me share a little taste with you. The first consisted of Corrie and I renting a car and being ridiculously happy when we drove on the correct side of the road. The second took place at Corrie's house, where her cat was eyeing a mouse that had snuck in. The cat burrowed itself in the rug and got stuck, the mouse ran. The mouse came back, and vommed everywhere. The end. The third dream involved me taking out my computer only to find it was NOT my computer. I discovered this when everything was written in French except for a note that said "Creepy Santa's Back." I can only assume that it was the aforementioned creepy santa who stole my computer and replaced it with the mysterious French one. And that was my train experience in Australia.

We now have to start the job/apartment search. We've decided that Corrie is going to be a milkman, and I am going to be a seamstress. Once we have established our careers in our respective fields, we are going to start our own sitcom called "The Milkman and the Seamstress." I'll let you know how it goes. See you on the silver screen!

Updates:
My dad is coming next week! You know what that means... we get to eat like real people for 5 whole days!

Quote of the day: "Maybe there are birds in his suitcase..."-Aviran, our Israeli friend.

Robert Ri'chard

was on our flight to Sydney.

You Want Shome Wheat Crackersshhh??

Hello everyone! It's a meeee..Kaaaanika. After about 2 hours of trying to figure out what to do after we checked out of our hostel on Sunday, we checked right back in and decided to stay in Sydney, which I'm very glad we did. Luckily, we got a new room, away from our frienemies. Sure enough though, there was an elderly gentleman sleeping in the bed above Corrie. Really now, at some point you've got to realize you're too old for YOUTH Hostels. Am i right, or am i right??? He spends his nights watching "The Devil's Advocate" on his laptop without headphones on, so the whole room can listen, as well. Anyway, since we stayed in Sydney, we got to see some places that we thought we'd just skip but were definitely worth sticking around for. On Sunday, we were complete bums and hung out around the hostel watching "How I Met Your Mother" DVDs. On Monday, we finally made it to Bondi Beach. Monday was also one of those days where you realize how small a world we live in. As we were sitting at the bus stop to head back to the city center, Corrie got a call from her old neighbor, who happened to live about a block away from the stop we were waiting at. What are the odds! So we met up with her and her boyfriend for a few drinks at a bar that had an AMAZING view of Bondi Beach. The day starting out pretty gloomy and overcast, but luckily enough, the sun came out as we met up and the day went from being deary to perfect. After a few Boag's, we were told we should do a walk along the cliffs to Bronte Beach. Oh Em Gee. It was a beautiful walk. After walking for about 40 minutes, we decided to lay out on Bronte Beach for a bit and catch some rayzzz. Pictures to come.

Yesterday we spend the day hiking in the Blue Mountains a few hours outside of the city. The Blue Mountains Park was beautiful, not breathtaking, but definitely worth seeing. And it was nice to get in some hiking after eating Mcdonald's, Hungry Jack's, and potato wedges pretty much everyday. I could feel my arteries clearing out with each step I took. We decided to do a tour since we only had one day. Normally, I HATE organized tours, but this time it was ok, because our guide looked like Nigel Lithgow and took us to the hot spots of the Blue Mountains, and we would've probably gotten ourselves lost for days if we went on our own, much like the English bloke who was lost for 12 days without food and water earlier this year. I just don't know if I would've been able to bring myself to eat Corrie if it came down to that. And after 8 hours of peaceful wandering through the Australian rainforest, we took the 52 degree scenic railway (that you can find in the Guiness book of worls records) up the mountains and returned back to city life. All in all, it was a day well spent. PS- it was a really, REALLY bad day to forget to put on deoderant, oops! My apologies to the other travelers.

Last night we decided to go out since we hadn't in a few days. We went to New Town, where we heard they had cheap food and drinks. We treated ourselves to some bomb pad thai and continues on to Zanzibar. Oh Zanzibar... I felt like a creepy old lady there. I'm pretty sure everyone was about 17 years old, so after one beer, we decided to head back to the nursing home for some warm milk... or so we thought. We ended up stopping by a bar to use their bathrooms and grab a Bulmer's, but ended up making friends with all the workers and staying till the wee hours of the morning. Good times. Frankie is our homeboy.

It's our last day in Sydney until we take an overnight train to Melbourne. I have no idea why we decided on taking an overnight train when flights are cheaper and about 11 hours shorter. Oh well, perhaps we'll meet some characters who will make it all worth it? One can only hope.

Until next time, cheers!

Updates:

I've decided that I'm going to start wearing a fedora, so I can be Douchebag Chic. Fedora the Explora! Corrie and I are going to become street performers in Melbourne, making our money by chanting like the Albino girl from "Not Another Teen Movie." And last, but not least, Corrie and I have also decided that we are a hilarious comedy duo... a traveling circus, if you will. And everyone we meet becomes a brief part of our act.

Quote of the day- "Last year I did not laugh for a whole week. It was horrible...I'm never going back to Germany."- Street performer

Funky Monkey!

Hello mates! And yes, I’m going to be a total douche and start using the words “mates” and “cheers.” (wait for it at the end) Since my last post, we have done quite a bit, yet probably not anything you would find interesting. We spent our first night out at Scruffy Murphy’s, a bar just down the street from our hostel. We went with two folks from our room, one of which we lost early in the night, and the other who we knighted as our third musketeer. The night ended with various jumping pictures being taken on our walk back to the hostel. New Year’s Eve started out at Subway, where I found a piece of hair in the cheese in my sandwich, and vowed to never get subway in Australia again. Following that horrific experience, I spent the rest of the day/night pub hopping by the Harbour with my fellow musketeers. It was pretty much just a giant street party with revelers from all walks of life; white, Asian, fat, skinny, ginger midgets, etc. We stuck around an area near the bridge so as to not miss the fireworks show that everybody raves about. The bars played an array of music you would find on “NOW: That’s what I call music, volume 698.” But it was good, cheesy fun. By midnight, we could barely keep our eyes open but the fireworks definitely woke us up. Afterwards, we managed to muster up enough energy to go to the Pavilion Hotel for some dancing. I was shocked to see that it wasn’t actually a strip club as I had previously imagined it to be due to it’s creepy exterior.

I’m almost certain we walked a total of 18 miles on New Year’s Day. We had originally planned to go see the Royal Botanical Gardens that day, but instead, we stumbled upon a massive dance party known as field day. We found out tickets were over 100 bucks so didn’t even try to go. Needless to say, we did not see the gardens. Instead, we visited the Chinese Gardens, which really were the epitome of tranquility. We ended the night at  Scruffy Murphy’s again, but the highlight was after we left when we met Rick. Rick was working as a security guard at a nudie party. Yes, a nudie party. We were walking home, minding our own business, when we noticed a crowd of men and women in their undies. Upon noticing the scantily clad crowd, we started chanting “NUDIE PARTY! NUDIE PARTY!” and somehow befriended the security guard, who seemed to not find us as hilarious as we find ourselves. How dare he!

We were able to see the Royal Botanical Gardens and Mrs. Maquerie’s Point today. It was lovely until we got caught in a brief torrential downpour that swallowed the city. I treated myself to some Palak Paneer and Naan for dinner, and we went and saw “Sherlock Holmes” at the cinema. (I recommend seeing that movie, btw) We’re now back in the hostel, and relieved our frienemies are gone for the night. “Frienemies?” you say? Oh yes, we have obtained an entire group of frienemies. They are our English roommates and we find them highly undesirable as human beings. English fools!

We check out tomorrow and have to figure out what to do for the next 4 days before we head down to Melbourne. I  shall keep you posted.

-Update: 

There is now a second elderly gentleman in our room, and I mean ELDERLY. He is an old Asian man who I believe has lost his way home and decided to set up shop here until his family comes and finds him. His luggage is a giant bin, the kind used to keep kegs cold at home.

-Quote of the day: “Ugh, this guy is farting… he farted and he shimmied!”—Corrie Buck at the bar.

Cheers, Mates!