Dangle Yr Dongle

I got me a job! You’re looking at (the writing of) Tandoori Times newest waitress. I knew my Indian charm would work on SOMEone. The downside to all this is that… I absolutely hate waitressing. And I’m bad at it. I am very neglectful of my tables and I’m not a fan of acting bubbly to customers. And I get easily overwhelmed. So we’ll see how it goes. Whatever puts money in mah wallet, right? Can I get an AMEN!? Corrie also got a job. Her job is more fun, she’ll be working at a gelato shop… So free Indian food and free gelato for us!

Last week we had a taco and beer night with our roommates in the apartment. It was the first time we really hung out with them and it ended up being a great night. We taught them the “Safety-Doorknob” game we used to play as kids. I hope you all remember it. It seemed like a good idea to play it at the time, but it went on all night, as you would imagine after eating tacos, and now we have bruises on our arms. Oy.



On Tuesday we went to a huge music festival here called Big Day Out. It was supposed to rain all day but it ended up being a hot, cloudless day. Which was good and bad at the same time. It was SO HOT, and there were so many people there. The first band we went to see was The Temper Trap. They’re an Australian band I started listening to a few months ago so I was really excited to see them, and they put on a really good show. But not as good as... dun dun dun… Passion Pit! I was surprised at how popular they are here. There was a huge crowd gathered around for their show way before it even started. We got pretty good spots, except it was so crowded and everyone was so sweaty, so it was a little gross. But once the band went on the whole crowd was really into it and jumping and singling along whole time, so it was a lot of fun. We were planning on seeing Girl Talk afterwards, but at that point all we could get our bodies to do was buy a bottle of water and sit in the shade. The closing band was Muse, who I’ve never been a big fan of, but I have to give them props on their live show. All in all it was a good day. A good, looong day. Oh yeah, and I now believe in karma. While waiting in line to buy drink tokens, I saw someone drop 50 dollars, and I returned it to them and they were ever so grateful. When I went to buy my drink tokens, the girl selling them to be accidentally gave me double what I had paid for. I’d like to think I was being rewarded for my good deed.



Updates:
We’ve now started watching “True Blood,” in addition to “Dexter.” These TV shows are taking over our lives. True Blood is the weirdest show I’ve ever seen, but of course, easy to get addicted to. We finally went out last night because we had run out of shows to watch. BUT, we should be getting season 3 of Dexter in the mail today courtesy of the Buck family. Thank you Mama and Papa Buck!

At this very moment, I am sitting in my bed and thinking about pancakes…mmm… I'll settle for fish fingers and potato gems instead.

Quote of the day: “Goon gives you the winds..."

"My bajingo's on fire!!!!"- Elliot Reed, May 2004

Heyooo!

Oh my, let me start this post out by saying Corrie and I should never be allowed into the Marriott executive lounge again. On Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a relaxed evening in the lounge followed by going out for a night on the town, turned into us drinking an obscene amount of screwdrivers and never making it out of the hotel. We met a group of people in there who we ended up hanging out with all night. And by all night, I mean until 10 pm, when it closed. But felt like 2 am. We ended up making friends with the girl working in the lounge and went out with her and another Marriott worker last night. I don't know why, but we only make friends with people who work at the places we go to! We ended up going bowling, where I rolled a gentleman's 50, and lost half of my thumbnail in the process. Ouch. Afterwards, we had Portugasms at Nando's, and headed over to the rooftop at the Carlton bar, where another girl who was staying at the Marriott met up with us. The weather was beautiful, so we just hung out on the rooftop most of the night and then headed downstairs in the bar to get our grooves on. Corrie and I decided to tell a guy our names were opposite, so when I told him my name was Corrie, he turned to Corrie (who he thought was Kanika), and in an attempt to spare my feelings, told her that in Cockney, my name meant Penis. Our little joke backfired on Corrie real bad. But these are the things we do to keep ourselves entertained. Aren't we exciting? We're now wandering around St. Kilda, and it is HOT. Days here are either crazy windy, or there is no breeze at all. Today, there is no breeze. In the wise words of Tito Puente (or whoever sings this song)... I'm feelin' hot hot hot.

Updates:
We have officially started job hunting. So far, we have given our CVs to a bakery. That is all. I'd say it's a pretty decent start, no? And Australian bowling shoes are awesome. I'm thinking of stealing a pair next time. And I've realized that I hate many things. Including sand in my mouth.

Quote of the Day: "That is one fancy ostrich..."

Weird Al Shank-A-Bitch

After 5 days of Papa Mannan time, we have been left to fend for ourselves. Well, not exactly, we get to live like kings at the Marriott for two more nights and take advantage of the executive lounge. Heyooo! Papa Mannan’s visit was great. He brought me peanut butter, AND Scrubs DVDs, the two things i love most in life, besides Turk. We saw “The Fantastic Mr. Fox” in the halfpipe theater, which was interesting. In the half pipe theater, which I now know is geared towards children; they have beanbags set up instead of chairs. Weird, yet wonderful at the same time. Papa Mannan and I did some graffiti hunting of our own, and on Sunday, all 3 of us did the Great Ocean Road drive.



The drive was about 4 hours there and 4 hours back, with multiple stops along the way. The road goes just along the coast of southern Australia all the way to Adelaide. We, of course, didn’t drive all the way to Adelaide, but we did make it to the 12 Apostles. The ride there was gloomy and rainy most of the time, but the sun finally came out and we had sunshine for the ride back. The water was so incredibly blue, I couldn’t get over it. Maybe I’m just used to the heinous, black water of Ocean City? Oh! And we saw Koalas!! Adorable. After a long day of driving, we were all craving some Mexican food. What we really wanted was Taco Bell, but what we settled for was “Taco Bill.” It sufficed. I went to town on some quesadillas and rice.



On Monday, we just wandered through the city center for a bit before going to St. Kilda so I could show Papa Mannan our apartment and the beach. It ended up being pretty chilly that day. Mother Nature cannot make up her mind in this city. One minute it’s 90 degrees and sunny, the next it is 60 degrees and grey. When we got to St Kilda, it was crazy windy. So we just spent a few minutes down at the beach to watch the sunset and then got some Thai food. Mmm mmm mmm.



We had a nice little routine with my dad here. Wake up, eat breakfast, work out, shower, wander around the city, come back and nap, sit in the conference room at the executive lounge and discuss anything from our business endeavors (slogans and radio shows), to the most hilarious episodes of “Seinfeld,” (the Merv Griffin/sidling the sidler episode wins) while taking advantage of the free drinks they put out, and then go out to dinner. Twas a nice long weekend with mah pops.

We are now going to start the job hunt FOR REAL. We have plenty of copies of our resumes printed out and no excuses to put it off any longer. Here goes nothin’!

Updates:
I finally admitted to my dad that it was indeed, I, who broke the microwave at work. And we have 1 week until BDO! Must find fun outfits…

Quote of the day: “I think he’s wearing Lederhosen.”-Corrie, in response to the odd length shorts we saw a passerby in.

Graffiti Hunting.

Your Fart Smells Quite Comteporary...

I’M BACK! Sorry it’s taken so long to post something, the internet is crazy expensive so I don’t go on much. But I’m alive and kickin’!

The past few days were quite eventful. We found an adorable little apartment in St. Kilda and moved in on Monday! It is by no means luxurious; in fact, you could probably categorize it under “piece of crap,” but the location more than makes up for it. It’s situated right across the street from the beach, and next to the main entertainment strip in Melbourne, where all the restaurants and pubs are. Here’s hoping we find jobs in one of them! Our roommates are a couple from Sweden, and, for an indefinite amount of time, an Australian guy living on the sofa of the living room. So it’s a pretty full house.

On Saturday, the former tenants of the apartment threw a going away party, so we decided to stop by. We met a lot of cool people from all over the place, including our first Americans! It’s surprising how few there are here. After a few hours, Corrie randomly returned to me completely out of breath, and informed me that she had just spent the last few minutes on the trampoline in the courtyard of our apartment. For some reason, this prompted us to leave, and we bid our new place adieu. But we made sure to stop at a delicious kebab shop on the way back to our hostel. We were spotted by a patron of the party sitting on a curb scarfing down kebabs and french fries, and let me tell you, were we happy!

On Sunday, we decided to be cultured folk, visiting the Australian Center for Contemporary Art and the National Gallery of Victoria. The ACCA was… weird. I’ve never really understood contemporary art. I just don’t get how a block of wood painted black is art. The ACCA basically just had enlarged copies of emails posted on walls about the torture practices of US Soldiers abroad. It was interesting, but come on, how is that art!? It was like we were reading the script for 20/20, not perusing through an art gallery. Am I just missing something? The NGV was much better. They had actual paintings, prints, photography, etc. Something I actually understand and enjoyed looking at. They did have a contemporary art section; we zoomed through it just to hate on it. Upon entering the contemporary art section, I randomly blurted out “Contemporary fart,” and we began to burst out laughing (because farts are hilarious). This caused the security guard to follow us around the rest of the time we were in there. She awkwardly asked Corrie what her tattoo was of, and after Corrie answered, she walked away without giving any type of reaction. An oddball she was. But enough about awkward guards, we decided we’re going to draw a few lines on a piece of paper and have it displayed at the gallery. If blue box can be art, then why can’t our magnificent drawing be?

Monday was the HOTTEST day I have ever experienced. And that says a lot, considering I’ve spent summers in India. Those Indian summers have nothing on the heat we experienced here. It went up to 43 degrees Celsius, with an overnight temperature of 39 degrees, the hottest it has been in Melbourne in over 100 years. We set a record! But Good Lord, it was unbearable. It was like we were walking around in someone’s mouth. Needless to say, I now know what Hell feels like. Remind me to stop talking trash about everyone I see from now on.

Last night we went out in St. Kilda and found a great little hole in the wall bar that had live reggae. The night, of course, ended with kebabs and french fries. If I come home looking like I did in Prague, it’s all Sunshine Kebab’s fault!

OH YEAH! And we saw the most hilarious scene last night. We were sitting outside at a bar, when a motorcycle gang rode up and stopped at the light in front of us. But something was off. This poor Domino’s delivery boy was caught amidst the group of bikers. As they revved their Harley’s, the Domino’s boy put his head down in shame as the bar patrons laughed at him. The light finally turned green, and as the bikers sped off, the Domino’s boy scooted away on his little moped. Hilarity at it’s finest.

Besides that, We’ve basically just been bums since we got here. We really should find a job soon, but unemployment is just so fun. I don’t care what other people say, I think it’s great. How can you not love complete and total freedom? Once I start looking, I’m planning on working the Indian charm and trying to get a job at an Indian restaurant. If that doesn’t work out I may just turn trick, we’ll see!

Updates:

My dad is here! He arrived this morning. So, naturally, we’ll be having dinner at the Hard Rock Café tonight. We also finally got our Big Day Out tickets! 11 days to go! And Corrie has a day date tomorrow… oh my!

Quote of the day: “It’s not easy being a Madam these days.”- Corrie, in response to the very rough looking cross dresser we passed on the street.

Quote of the day #2: “HE’S EATING FLESH!!!!!!!!!”-Dan, our roommate, in response to the opening credits of “Dexter,” which is our newest TV addiction. This quote won’t make sense if you don’t watch the show.

Snapshots of my life...

Storm swallowing Sydney. View from the Botanical Gardens.

      Chinese Gardens.

Blue Mountains.

Bondi Beach.

                  Hyde Park.

Who is this man???

We noticed a group of young Asian men snapping pictures with this guy (the one between me and Corrie), so I figured it was safe to assume he was some type of celebrity and now actually with the Asian boys. When I asked who he was, his manager was quick to assure him that I, indeed, knew who he was and was just pretending like I didn't. But I honestly have no idea who he is. And he wouldn't tell me! Apparently some boxer. Enlighten me, friends. 

Bad Boy 24/7

We made it to Melbourne! After a 12 hour overnight train ride and many obscure dreams, we have arrived. Incase you're wondering about my obscure dreams, let me share a little taste with you. The first consisted of Corrie and I renting a car and being ridiculously happy when we drove on the correct side of the road. The second took place at Corrie's house, where her cat was eyeing a mouse that had snuck in. The cat burrowed itself in the rug and got stuck, the mouse ran. The mouse came back, and vommed everywhere. The end. The third dream involved me taking out my computer only to find it was NOT my computer. I discovered this when everything was written in French except for a note that said "Creepy Santa's Back." I can only assume that it was the aforementioned creepy santa who stole my computer and replaced it with the mysterious French one. And that was my train experience in Australia.

We now have to start the job/apartment search. We've decided that Corrie is going to be a milkman, and I am going to be a seamstress. Once we have established our careers in our respective fields, we are going to start our own sitcom called "The Milkman and the Seamstress." I'll let you know how it goes. See you on the silver screen!

Updates:
My dad is coming next week! You know what that means... we get to eat like real people for 5 whole days!

Quote of the day: "Maybe there are birds in his suitcase..."-Aviran, our Israeli friend.

Robert Ri'chard

was on our flight to Sydney.

You Want Shome Wheat Crackersshhh??

Hello everyone! It's a meeee..Kaaaanika. After about 2 hours of trying to figure out what to do after we checked out of our hostel on Sunday, we checked right back in and decided to stay in Sydney, which I'm very glad we did. Luckily, we got a new room, away from our frienemies. Sure enough though, there was an elderly gentleman sleeping in the bed above Corrie. Really now, at some point you've got to realize you're too old for YOUTH Hostels. Am i right, or am i right??? He spends his nights watching "The Devil's Advocate" on his laptop without headphones on, so the whole room can listen, as well. Anyway, since we stayed in Sydney, we got to see some places that we thought we'd just skip but were definitely worth sticking around for. On Sunday, we were complete bums and hung out around the hostel watching "How I Met Your Mother" DVDs. On Monday, we finally made it to Bondi Beach. Monday was also one of those days where you realize how small a world we live in. As we were sitting at the bus stop to head back to the city center, Corrie got a call from her old neighbor, who happened to live about a block away from the stop we were waiting at. What are the odds! So we met up with her and her boyfriend for a few drinks at a bar that had an AMAZING view of Bondi Beach. The day starting out pretty gloomy and overcast, but luckily enough, the sun came out as we met up and the day went from being deary to perfect. After a few Boag's, we were told we should do a walk along the cliffs to Bronte Beach. Oh Em Gee. It was a beautiful walk. After walking for about 40 minutes, we decided to lay out on Bronte Beach for a bit and catch some rayzzz. Pictures to come.

Yesterday we spend the day hiking in the Blue Mountains a few hours outside of the city. The Blue Mountains Park was beautiful, not breathtaking, but definitely worth seeing. And it was nice to get in some hiking after eating Mcdonald's, Hungry Jack's, and potato wedges pretty much everyday. I could feel my arteries clearing out with each step I took. We decided to do a tour since we only had one day. Normally, I HATE organized tours, but this time it was ok, because our guide looked like Nigel Lithgow and took us to the hot spots of the Blue Mountains, and we would've probably gotten ourselves lost for days if we went on our own, much like the English bloke who was lost for 12 days without food and water earlier this year. I just don't know if I would've been able to bring myself to eat Corrie if it came down to that. And after 8 hours of peaceful wandering through the Australian rainforest, we took the 52 degree scenic railway (that you can find in the Guiness book of worls records) up the mountains and returned back to city life. All in all, it was a day well spent. PS- it was a really, REALLY bad day to forget to put on deoderant, oops! My apologies to the other travelers.

Last night we decided to go out since we hadn't in a few days. We went to New Town, where we heard they had cheap food and drinks. We treated ourselves to some bomb pad thai and continues on to Zanzibar. Oh Zanzibar... I felt like a creepy old lady there. I'm pretty sure everyone was about 17 years old, so after one beer, we decided to head back to the nursing home for some warm milk... or so we thought. We ended up stopping by a bar to use their bathrooms and grab a Bulmer's, but ended up making friends with all the workers and staying till the wee hours of the morning. Good times. Frankie is our homeboy.

It's our last day in Sydney until we take an overnight train to Melbourne. I have no idea why we decided on taking an overnight train when flights are cheaper and about 11 hours shorter. Oh well, perhaps we'll meet some characters who will make it all worth it? One can only hope.

Until next time, cheers!

Updates:

I've decided that I'm going to start wearing a fedora, so I can be Douchebag Chic. Fedora the Explora! Corrie and I are going to become street performers in Melbourne, making our money by chanting like the Albino girl from "Not Another Teen Movie." And last, but not least, Corrie and I have also decided that we are a hilarious comedy duo... a traveling circus, if you will. And everyone we meet becomes a brief part of our act.

Quote of the day- "Last year I did not laugh for a whole week. It was horrible...I'm never going back to Germany."- Street performer

Funky Monkey!

Hello mates! And yes, I’m going to be a total douche and start using the words “mates” and “cheers.” (wait for it at the end) Since my last post, we have done quite a bit, yet probably not anything you would find interesting. We spent our first night out at Scruffy Murphy’s, a bar just down the street from our hostel. We went with two folks from our room, one of which we lost early in the night, and the other who we knighted as our third musketeer. The night ended with various jumping pictures being taken on our walk back to the hostel. New Year’s Eve started out at Subway, where I found a piece of hair in the cheese in my sandwich, and vowed to never get subway in Australia again. Following that horrific experience, I spent the rest of the day/night pub hopping by the Harbour with my fellow musketeers. It was pretty much just a giant street party with revelers from all walks of life; white, Asian, fat, skinny, ginger midgets, etc. We stuck around an area near the bridge so as to not miss the fireworks show that everybody raves about. The bars played an array of music you would find on “NOW: That’s what I call music, volume 698.” But it was good, cheesy fun. By midnight, we could barely keep our eyes open but the fireworks definitely woke us up. Afterwards, we managed to muster up enough energy to go to the Pavilion Hotel for some dancing. I was shocked to see that it wasn’t actually a strip club as I had previously imagined it to be due to it’s creepy exterior.

I’m almost certain we walked a total of 18 miles on New Year’s Day. We had originally planned to go see the Royal Botanical Gardens that day, but instead, we stumbled upon a massive dance party known as field day. We found out tickets were over 100 bucks so didn’t even try to go. Needless to say, we did not see the gardens. Instead, we visited the Chinese Gardens, which really were the epitome of tranquility. We ended the night at  Scruffy Murphy’s again, but the highlight was after we left when we met Rick. Rick was working as a security guard at a nudie party. Yes, a nudie party. We were walking home, minding our own business, when we noticed a crowd of men and women in their undies. Upon noticing the scantily clad crowd, we started chanting “NUDIE PARTY! NUDIE PARTY!” and somehow befriended the security guard, who seemed to not find us as hilarious as we find ourselves. How dare he!

We were able to see the Royal Botanical Gardens and Mrs. Maquerie’s Point today. It was lovely until we got caught in a brief torrential downpour that swallowed the city. I treated myself to some Palak Paneer and Naan for dinner, and we went and saw “Sherlock Holmes” at the cinema. (I recommend seeing that movie, btw) We’re now back in the hostel, and relieved our frienemies are gone for the night. “Frienemies?” you say? Oh yes, we have obtained an entire group of frienemies. They are our English roommates and we find them highly undesirable as human beings. English fools!

We check out tomorrow and have to figure out what to do for the next 4 days before we head down to Melbourne. I  shall keep you posted.

-Update: 

There is now a second elderly gentleman in our room, and I mean ELDERLY. He is an old Asian man who I believe has lost his way home and decided to set up shop here until his family comes and finds him. His luggage is a giant bin, the kind used to keep kegs cold at home.

-Quote of the day: “Ugh, this guy is farting… he farted and he shimmied!”—Corrie Buck at the bar.

Cheers, Mates!